The Cynical Philosopher:

♦ 3,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?

♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

♦ I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You’re not fat, you’re just…easier to see.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named “Sag Harbor.”

♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

Legislative News…Daniel North and Claudia Schott

The House Ways and Means Committee said it would continue exploring ways to reduce regulations in Medicare, after issuing a report last week on its conversations with health care providers. “The Medicare program has reached the threshold where the regulatory burdens placed on health care providers are now coming at the expense of patient care — we cannot allow this to continue,” Ways and Means Health Subcommittee Chairman Peter Roskam of Illinois said. Although light on specifics, the report highlighted areas where providers indicated they need more flexibility, including in anti-kickback laws, conditions of participation for hospitals, and administrative tasks such as billing and data reporting.

Of particular concern to both the committee and Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services is the so-called Stark law, which limits how and when physicians can refer patients to other entities in which they share a financial interest. The law is widely considered outdated as the industry shifts to value-based care, which requires close financial relationships between various providers.

“The Committee’s work is not complete,” the Ways and Means report stated. “The health care landscape is constantly changing, which will require policymakers to continuously weigh the impacts to the provider community, and most important of all, the impact on patient care.”

Here’s hoping this easing of regulations happens soon enough that we may all get better and faster access to decent patient care!

Opportunity Tickets…Barbara Robinson

September drawings at three for $1 are:

THE BLUE DOOR RESTAURANT

Westgate Shopping Center $25 Gift Card

(Thanks to Veronica Phillips)

BURGER LOUNGE RESTAURANT

North East Pruneyard

Free Entrée w/ purchase of One $15

(Thanks to Barbara Robinson)

?? MYSTERY PRIZE ??

Take a Chance—Anyone Can Use and Enjoy

(Thanks to Barbara Robinson)

CAMPBELL EXPRESS 408-374-9700

One Free subscription

(Thanks to Stephon Hansen)

August winners were:

SAM’s B B Q

$25 Gift Card

Joan Moeller

HABIT BURGER GRILL

Free Charburger w/cheese/ or Equal Value

David More

CAMPBELL EXPRESS

Nancy Tupperman

NEXT MEETING IS SEPTEMBER 18 IN Q80

Social Time 9:15 am   Meeting 10 am

Leave clean clothing, bedding and nonperishable food for Sacred Heart on the bench outside. Please do not bring garage-sale type items for Sacred Heart. Please bring books to share. Place these items on the first table: donations for the troops, new and used greeting cards in the box; your volunteer hours in purple envelope.

Lunch after Meeting:

Sam’s BBQ

1110 South Bascom Ave

San Jose CA (408) 297-9151

Program:

League of Women Voters

Nominating Committee…Jan Deluchi

The members of Chapter 5151 have a very important decision to make by the end of September. If no one volunteers to fill the two positions that are still open, which are Community Service and Public Relations, by the end of September, it is my job to inform the President that we are unable to fill these two important positions. I will make a recommendation that we suspend these two positions until such time as one of our members volunteers. I will also advise the Executive Board of the problem. I am asking you to please help your Chapter and volunteer now. Call me with any questions you may have regarding the duties of these positions.

Community Service…Marilyn Clough

I would like to thank Edith and Dan Boonstra for volunteering to help with the Back-Packs Schools Drive. There will be a supply of Life Files at the next meeting for those of you who need them. Don’t forget neighbors and friends who could use them. Thank you, Boonstras and Angie, who picked up my responsibilities while I was negotiating mountain passes and fire damage on my vacation in the Sierras–very much fun with my family, and the smoke was blowing in the other direction!

President…Ken Schieck

I spoke at the August general meeting about AAPR’s National Day of Service, which takes place on Tuesday, September 11. Please volunteer on your own with a group in your local community. This is such an important volunteer commitment that there is a separate category for it on your service/ volunteer hour report at the bottom of the general meeting agenda and the Dispatch. For more information, visit aarpfoundation.org/volunteer. As part of your volunteer effort, consider helping anyone you know who might be experiencing social isolation. Help is available for them at connect2affect.org. We are looking for volunteers to staff our table at two senior resource fairs this month. The first one will be held at Wesley Manor (right up Winchester next to Campbell United Methodist Church) on Friday, Sept. 21. The second one will be held at Liberty Towers in Santa Clara on Friday, Sept.28. We are asked to staff the tables on each day from 10 am to noon. If interested, please call me, Ken Schieck, or see me at the general meeting on Tuesday, Sept.18.

Why We Love Children

Why We Love Children

NUDITY – I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

OPINIONS – On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..’

KETCHUP – A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. It was the minister calling, ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now, She’s hitting the bottle.’

MORE NUDITY—A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

POLICE # 1—While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’

SCHOOL – A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

Are You Tired of Those Telemarketing Calls?…Marlene Hruby

This works great! It saves me from answering at least five or six calls a day and it’s FREE on your landline! I see they now offer it for both Android and OIS phones with a charge of $1.99 per month. My phone rings once and then quits. I got three of those calls within half an hour last night. Go to nomorobo.com and register you landline for free. You’ll love it!