Two Irish drunks are walking home after a little too much celebration on St Patrick’s Day. As they stumbled up the country road in the dark, Paddy says, “Bejeesus, Mick, we’ve stumbled into the graveyard and here’s the stone of a man lived to the age of 103!” Mick replies, “Glory be, Paddy; and was it anybody we knew?” Paddy says, “No, it was someone called ‘Miles from Dublin’.”
Paddy walked into a bar on St. Patrick’s Day and started ordering martini after martini. With each drink, he removed the olives and put them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and he’d finished all the drinks, Paddy started to leave. As he did so, a curious customer asked him, “Excuse me, but what was that all about?” “Nothing really,” replied Paddy, “My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”
Paddy’s wife is drunk and emotional after a long St. Patrick’s Day celebration. She says to her husband, “Paddy, we’ve been married a long time. You’re a good looking man and I think you’ve slept with a lot of women. I won’t be mad but I’d like to know how many, if any.” Paddy replies, “You should know I never slept with anyone but you, my dear. All the rest I was awake.”
It’s Saint Patrick’s day and an armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. As the robber is leaving with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs his hood and pulls it off revealing his face. The robber shoots the guy dead. He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him so the robber walks over and calmly shoots him dead too. Everyone is now terrified and looking down at the floor. The robber shouts angrily, “Did anyone else see my face?” There’s a brief silence; then one elderly Irish man, still looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says, “I think me wife may have caught a glimpse.”