Jokes … Shelly Schwartz

The Forgetful Actor

An actor had been out of work for years because he always forgot his lines.  One day he got a phone call from a director who wanted him for an important part in a play.  All the actor had to say was, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar!”

Opening night arrived, and while he waited in the wings, the actor muttered to himself, “Hark!  I hear the cannon roar!  Hark!  I hear the cannon roar!”  The time for the entrance finally came.  As the actor made his appearance onstage, he heard a loud BOOOOM!  He turned around and said, “What the heck was that?”

= = = = = Three Men in a Bar = = = = = =

Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences.

The first man said, “My wife was reading a ‘Tale of Two Cities’ and she gave birth to twins!”

“That’s funny,” the second man remarked, “My wife was reading ‘The Three Musketeers’ and she gave birth to triplets!”

The third man shouted, “Good God, I have to rush home!”

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, “When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!!!”