- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
- Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
- I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
- I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week.
- When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment. Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation.