Let’s Laugh at Covid-19 … Sheila Bailey and Lynda Martinez

Sheila Bailey

For the first time in history:  We can save the human race by laying in front of the TV and doing nothing.  Let’s not screw this up!

I washed my hands so many times, I found the answers to my 8th grade Social Studies test.

This quarantine has me realizing why my dog gets so excited about something moving outside and going for walks or car rides.  I think I just barked at a squirrel.

Lynda Martinez

Appropriate analogy: “The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” = “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now”.

For the second part of this quarantine do we have to stay with the same family or will they relocate us?  Asking for myself.

Putting a drink in each room of my house today and calling it a pub crawl.

Enjoy your day.  You don’t have anything else to do.

More Covid-19 Laughs … Lynda Martinez

I stepped on my scale this morning.  It said: “Please practice social distancing.  Only one person at a time on scale.”

Not to brag, but I haven’t been late to anything in over 12 weeks.

It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it’s going to take a vineyard to home school one.

The spread of Covid-19 is based on two things: 1. How dense the population is, and 2. How dense the population is.

People keep asking: “Is coronavirus REALLY all that serious?”  Listen y’all, the churches and casinos are closed.  When heaven and hell agree on the same thing it’s probably pretty serious.

Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.

Sherlock Holmes And The Sky … Shelly Schwartz

Submitted by ***Brittney Harrell***

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.  As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:” Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?”

Watson said, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”

Watson: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.  What does it tell you?”

Holmes: “Somebody stole our tent.”

We’re All in This Together! … Lynda Martinez

Let’s hope they give us two weeks’ notice before sending us back out into the real world.  I think we’ll all need the time to become ourselves again.  And by “ourselves” I mean lose 10 pounds, cut our hair, and get used to not drinking at 9:00 a.m.

New monthly budget:  Gas $0  Entertainment $0  Clothes $0   Groceries $2,799.  Breaking News:  Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly

recommended.  Not so much to stop COVID-19, but to stop eating.

When this quarantine is over, let’s not tell some people.

Parental Guidance? — Oh, Oh!

A teacher asked little Johnny if he knew the numbers 1 to 10 well. “Yes! Of course! My pop taught me, even more than 10!”
“Good. What comes after three?”
“Four,” answered the boy.

“What comes after six?”
“Seven.”
“Very good,” said the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. Now, what comes after ten?” “A jack!”