One minute, you’re young and fun. And the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.
Jokes
Whoops … Shelly Schwartz
Seeing a homeless guy begging on the street, a woman took pity on him and gave him a handful of change.
“Thank you,” said the homeless man. “Your generosity is much appreciated. You know, my life used to be great, but just look at the state of me now.”
“How do you mean?” asked the woman.
“Well,” he explained. “I was a multi-millionaire. I had bank accounts all over the world with hundreds of thousands of dollars deposited in each.”
“So where did it all go wrong?” she asked.
The homeless man sighed, “I forgot my mother’s maiden name.”
Thoughts on Aging … Shelly Schwartz
– The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
– You’re getting old when you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.
– You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.
Office Christmas Party…Marilyn Clough
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. – Phyllis Diller
The Birth Reimagined…Angie Jaggars
Three wise WOMEN
Would have asked for directions
Arrived on time
Cleaned the stable
Helped deliver the baby
Brought a casserole
And there would have been peace on earth.
Common Sense Concepts…Lynda Martinez
You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.
One day, you’ll be able to tell your grandkids, “I survived the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020.”
More Covid-10 Humor … Lynda Martinez
They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store. They lied; everybody else had clothes on.
I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are.
I’m going to stay up on New Year’s Eve this year. Not to see the New Year in, but to make sure this one leaves.
Covid-19 Humor, Where We Can Find It … Lynda Martinez
The dumbest thing I’ve ever purchased was a 2020 planner.
The buttons on my jeans have started social distancing from each other.
More Phyllis Diller … Marilyn Clough
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
Let’s Laugh at Covid-19 … Sheila Bailey and Lynda Martinez
… Sheila Bailey
For the first time in history: We can save the human race by laying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let’s not screw this up!
I washed my hands so many times, I found the answers to my 8th grade Social Studies test.
This quarantine has me realizing why my dog gets so excited about something moving outside and going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
… Lynda Martinez
Appropriate analogy: “The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” = “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now”.
For the second part of this quarantine do we have to stay with the same family or will they relocate us? Asking for myself.
Putting a drink in each room of my house today and calling it a pub crawl.
Enjoy your day. You don’t have anything else to do.