The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.
… Shelly Schwartz
My doctor was giving me a hard time about my health. To get back on his good side, I bought a puppy and named him ‘Five Miles’.
That way, when I went to see my doctor, I could tell him, “I walk five miles every morning!”
… Marilyn Clough … These are actual ads seen in The Las Palmas newspaper (a senior retirement community) — Dating for Seniors:
Active grandmother with original teeth, seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
Male, 1942 model Willie Americar, high mileage, good condition, some hair
Many new parts, including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Isn’t in running condition, but walks well (usually)
… Lynda Martinez
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society. They fear that social distancing could push people over the edge.
P.S. I bet they’re really excited about flattening the curve, though.
… Veronika Phillips
A Dog’s Bewilderment — As a dog walks down the street with his best friend (owner) and sees all the people around them, he is amazed and wonders, “All these humans with muzzles! Who did they bite?”