Funnies

Some Grins (That You Might Have To Be Older To Really Appreciate) Marilyn Clough

I’m on two diets.  I wasn’t getting enough food on one.

Don’t irritate old people.  The older we get, the less “Life in prison” is a deterrent.

Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and think, “That can’t be accurate”?

More GrinsShelly Schwartz

A husband is throwing darts at his wife’s photo and not a single throw is hitting the target.

From another room, the wife calls: “Honey, what are you doing?”

Husband: “MISSING YOU…”

My boss calls me “the computer” — which has nothing to do with intelligence:  I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

Observations Veronika Phillips     and     Conjecture Marilyn Clough

In America they call it “lobbying.”  Everywhere else in the world they call it “bribery and corruption.”

A new study found that people who take their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits.  And people who order quad shot, not-fat, vanilla soy, extra foam, light whip with caramel drizzle are more likely to be their victims.

Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors!

Signs of Life Lynda Martinez

IN A SHOE-REPAIR STORE:  “We will heel you.  We will save your sole.  We will even dye for you.”

IN A VETERINARIAN’S WAITING ROOM:  “Be back in 5 minutes.  Sit…  Stay…”

Legislative News…Daniel Nnorth & Claudia Schott

There’s a lot going on now that everyone is back from vacation!  AARP needs your help to influence our State Senators and Assembly Members.  Please ask them:  “Can AARP California count on your AYE votes for these bills?”

California Housing Bills

SB 9 and SB 10:  The California Housing Opportunity & More Efficiency (HOME) Act

  • People of all ages and ability levels need safe, decent, and affordable housing that will enable them to continue to live safely in their homes and communities as they get older – but, unfortunately, this is not a reality for many Californians.
  • For many older adults, the current housing crisis in California is an extreme burden.  Research from UCLA found that 78 percent of low-income older adults in California are “rent-burdened,” meaning they spend at least 30 percent of their income on housing – and more than 55 percent of low-income older adults spend more than 50 percent of their income on housing.
  • California cannot afford to have another year with no housing legislation passed. That is why AARP is fully supporting SB 9 and SB 10.

SB 9 will promote small-scale neighborhood residential development by streamlining the process for a homeowner to create a duplex or subdivide an existing lot in residential areas.

  • This bill builds on the successful approach of making accessory dwelling units (ADUs) easier to build, and it expands options for homeowners who wish to be part of the solution in solving California’s housing crisis.
  • ADUs provide a variety of benefits for people of all ages and can be adapted for different household types, income levels, employment situations, and stages of life.

SB 10 will authorize local governments to rezone neighborhoods for increased housing density, up to ten homes per parcel. This authorization will require that a legislative body pass a resolution to adopt the plan and exempts that zoning action from being considered a project under the California Environmental Quality Act.

  • This bill does not change local height limits, setbacks, objective design standards, historic standards, or demolition restrictions.
  • BUT what SB 10 does do is create a critical path to adding modest density to address California’s housing shortage, preserves significant control for local jurisdictions, and makes it faster, less expensive, and less risky for a city to undertake a community process to increase housing density in our communities.

Family and Medical Leave: Family-of-Choice Bill

AB 1041:  Employment Leave

AB 1041 allows workers who wish to take time off to care for extended family and those with close-affinity relationships [who are not defined as a family member under the California Family Rights Act (CFRA)] to designate the individual they care for.

  •    The employee can designate one individual a year.
  •    It would allow for *unpaid* leave of up to 12 weeks a year to care for the designated individual.
  • Job protections apply to workers in firms with more than five employees.

There’s a lot going on now that everyone is back from vacation!  AARP needs your help to influence our State Senators and Assembly Members.  Please ask them:  “Can AARP California count on your AYE votes for these bills?”

California Housing Bills

SB 9 and SB 10:  The California Housing Opportunity & More Efficiency (HOME) Act

  • People of all ages and ability levels need safe, decent, and affordable housing that will enable them to continue to live safely in their homes and communities as they get older – but, unfortunately, this is not a reality for many Californians.
  • For many older adults, the current housing crisis in California is an extreme burden.  Research from UCLA found that 78 percent of low-income older adults in California are “rent-burdened,” meaning they spend at least 30 percent of their income on housing – and more than 55 percent of low-income older adults spend more than 50 percent of their income on housing.
  • California cannot afford to have another year with no housing legislation passed. That is why AARP is fully supporting SB 9 and SB 10.

SB 9 will promote small-scale neighborhood residential development by streamlining the process for a homeowner to create a duplex or subdivide an existing lot in residential areas.

  • This bill builds on the successful approach of making accessory dwelling units (ADUs) easier to build, and it expands options for homeowners who wish to be part of the solution in solving California’s housing crisis.
  • ADUs provide a variety of benefits for people of all ages and can be adapted for different household types, income levels, employment situations, and stages of life.

SB 10 will authorize local governments to rezone neighborhoods for increased housing density, up to ten homes per parcel. This authorization will require that a legislative body pass a resolution to adopt the plan and exempts that zoning action from being considered a project under the California Environmental Quality Act.

  • This bill does not change local height limits, setbacks, objective design standards, historic standards, or demolition restrictions.
  • BUT what SB 10 does do is create a critical path to adding modest density to address California’s housing shortage, preserves significant control for local jurisdictions, and makes it faster, less expensive, and less risky for a city to undertake a community process to increase housing density in our communities.

Family and Medical Leave: Family-of-Choice Bill

AB 1041:  Employment Leave

AB 1041 allows workers who wish to take time off to care for extended family and those with close-affinity relationships [who are not defined as a family member under the California Family Rights Act (CFRA)] to designate the individual they care for.

  •    The employee can designate one individual a year.
  •    It would allow for *unpaid* leave of up to 12 weeks a year to care for the designated individual.
  • Job protections apply to workers in firms with more than five employees.

Transparency (PROTECT) Plans

As mentioned in the last few Dispatches, AARP supports the transformational package of nursing-home bills called the PROTECT Plans (Prioritize Responsible Ownership, Treatment, Equity, and Corporate Transparency Plans).  AARP is fighting to protect nursing-home residents from sickness, isolation, and neglect.

Nursing- Home Transparency Bill

SB 650:  Corporate Transparency in Elder Care Act of 2021

AARP is a proud co-sponsor of SB 650.

  • The time is now to hold nursing-home operators accountable.
  • This bill will create more accountability for California’s 1,227 nursing-home operators via new reporting requirements, including if any funds are going to “related party” businesses they own or control.
  • This critical bill is more important than ever, and AARP believes it is one of the most significant nursing home reform bills in 2021.

Serious Business … Shelly Schwartz

A young businessman had just started his own firm.  He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office.  Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.  Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

Really Serious Business … Lynda Martinez

I believe – that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I believe — that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

To Contemplate … Veronika Phillips

For those weddings cancelled due to COVID-19, God is giving them a second chance to think about it.

Healthy Eating Tip #43:  I pick fresh vegetables every day, feed them to my pig, and he converts them to bacon.

I’ll never forget the look on the cashier’s face when she scanned the packet of bird seed and I asked her how long it will take for the birds to grow once I plant them.

President’s Message … Margaret Schieck

Happy Independence Day to all.  I hope you had a safe and sane celebration of the U.S.A.’s 245th birthday!

Good news:  As of September, and barring any surges of COVID, we are back in the Campbell Community Center for our General Meetings.  Therefore, assuming things continue to progress at the current pace, we will meet in Room Q80 on September 21st with a coffee time from 9:15 to 10:00 a.m. and the meeting from 10:00 a.m. until 11:30a.m.  At the present time, we do not have a permanent lunch coordinator, so unless some member volunteers to take that on, we will not have plans for an after-meeting lunch.

As of July 1st, Chapter 5151 of AARP (Campbell Area) will have a monthly column in the new Campbell Press newspaper.  I have written the first article, and we have volunteers for August and September.  Please let me know if you have ideas and/or are willing to write a 200- to 250-word column for the paper.  Get in touch with me for details.

See you on Zoom for July and August and in Q80 for September!