JUlrich

Electrical Specialist Needed

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Our boxed public address system is not functioning and we someone to examine it and see if it can be repaired. It hums when it shouldn’t. If you think you could help, please contact Marlene Hruby.

Community Service…Sheila Gold

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Silicon Valley Reads is an annual community program that selects books on a contemporary theme and offers free events throughout Santa Clara County to engage the public in reading, thinking and discussing the topic. This year Silicon Valley Reads focuses on climate change with two outstanding books that speculate about a future with extreme weather. For the first time in 14 years, there will be an Author in Residence as well as a Visiting Author. MEMORY OF WATER by Emmi Itaranta and SHERWOOD NATION by Ben Parzybk are the two books highlighted. There are 140 free programs including films and discussions at various libraries including Dr. MLK. Jr, Rosegarden, Campbell, Calabazas and others. The closing event with both authors present will be March 20 at Cupertino Community Hall. For the entire list of programs, go to SiliconValleyReads.org.

President’s Message…Marlene Hruby

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I am happy to report that many of you have renewed your membership for 2016. However, there are many who have not yet paid. If you have not renewed, this will be your last Dispatch. You do not want to miss our future interesting speakers or our social activities. I see seniors arriving at the Campbell 11:30 lunch program as early as 9:30 because they have nothing else to do. Don’t let this be you! A happy senior is an active senior. Please bring your completed renewal application on page 3 of this issue and a check for either $12 or $15 to the March 15 meeting. See you then!

More Humor

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A Few More Chuckles

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-mart. “Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed. “Why Wal-Mart?” “Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”

Humor

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A Retiree’s Last Trip to Target

Yesterday I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?

So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog. I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one of two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind me was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Target asked me not to shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Tours…Marilyn Clough

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There’s still time to sign up for the Great Gatsby Getaway to Mackinac Island in Michigan Sept 12-17, 2015. It sounds like a lot of fun. To see the Grand Hotel in all it’s glory, watch the movie “Somewhere in Time” with Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour. The movie was filmed there. Pick up a brochure at the Tour Table.

Scrapbooking

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Are you a scrapbook crafter? Save the date of August 7 and 8 to go to the Santa Clara Convention Center, 5001 Great America Parkway. See the details at http://scrapbookexpo.com/2015-show-list/sj15/.